Okay, so this recap was supposed to happen yesterday. But I was a nice girl who wanted to watch the new Game of Thrones episode in a legal way. So naturally that did not go as planned, and we only got the episode 3 hours after it was supposed to be released. Oh the joy. But anyway, Westeros is back on our screens! And let’s talk about the first episode. Whose team are you on now?
Frey no more
The thing I like about this season right away is that shit gets done. No longer do we have to wait countless hours on Arya training or Daenerys in sandy places. Nope. With only 13 hours left, the stakes are high and we are finally getting somewhere. The episode starts with the Freys. Walder has organised another feast for the most important members of his household. There is a happy vibe and Walder thanks his men for what they did at the Red Wedding. The men drink the wine, but Walder doesn’t and he tells his wife not to drink it either. Walder then changes his tone and the men start choking to death. When all men are dead, Walder takes off his face and turns out to be our girl Arya. She tells the woman that if anyone asks what happened, that she should tell them the North Remembers.
Finally Arya gets to be a bad ass again. You go get your revenge girl!
Where is the Dragonglass?
We see a montage of the dead army marching forward. One of them is our boo Wun-Wun the giant. Let’s just say death has not done him any favour. Then we see Meera and Bran approach the wall, where the new Lord Commander questions who they are. Bran basically repeats what happened in previous seasons, and that is enough to let them in.
Jon Snow comes to the rescue. He is King of the North now, and is educating all nobles on dragonglass. He also says everybody must learn how to fight, also women and girls. When one dude objects, Lyanna Mormont, rightful Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, puts him in his place. Hell yeah, girl. You tell them and you slay those White Walkers single-handedly. I’m certain if the Night King sees her, he will turn around and be like “Nope, sorry, took a wrong turn, bye.”
The Wildlings are tasked to protect the wall, and then Jon and Sansa get in a discussion about whether or not the Umbers and the Karstarks (who had pledge loyalty to Ramsay) should stay in their castle. Jon says yeah, Sansa says no, things get pretty awkward. In the end, Jon plays the I AM KING SO I DECIDE card. The Umbers and Karstarks can stay if they pledge their loyalty again. In the corner, Littlefinger smiles. He definitely wants to use this to gain shit.
The Last Lannisters
Queen Cersei is having an unfortunate soul paint a map of Westeros on the floor, while she stands on it like she gives no shit about his hard work. Jaime walks in and they have a discussion. He rightfully thinks Cersei is a crazy-ass bitch now, but who doesn’t? Jaime mentions all of their children being death, specifically Tommen who committe
d suicide. Cersei whines that Tommen betrayed her, because of course the poor boy did. Cersei points out that they have enemies everywhere and also mentions Tyrion, who is now chums with Dany. They do not have any allies any more, so Cersei has invited the Greyjoys and their Iron Fleet to meet. It is just Euron though, but Jaime is less than thrilled.
In the Throne Room, Euron asks for Cersei’s hand in marriage because he wants revenge. “Here I am with a
thousand ships and two good hands,” he brags. It is an obvious dig at Jaime, and even though I love Jaime, he needs a burn heal for that one. Cersei declines, saying he is untrustworthy as he murdered his own brother. Euron
tells her it feels wonderful and she should try it sometime. Jaime is not amused by this. Euron then suggests he does not come back until he has a priceless gift. Oh dear.
Sam’s scenes – Skip
Sorry to say this, but I don’t like Sam’s character. He is a bit of a snoozefest. And a literal shitfest. He is now in the citadel, basically being a caretaker of old people. It involves a lot of shit. Maester Slughorn (don’t know what his name actually is but same actor) says he believes Sam about the White Walkers but that Sam should not bother. Obviously Sam does not agree. But okay, skip.
Tormund + Brienne = Ed Sheeran?
We return to Winterfell, where the training of everybody who can hold a sword is going quite well. I hope Sansa will learn how to fight too because that would make her instantly more bad-ass. Brienne is training Podrick, and Tormund comes along to flirt with Brienne. She is having none of it. They should get hitched already. Littlefinger finds Sansa, who is less than pleased to see that slippery eel. Sansa is having none of his shit and when Brienne comes to see her, Sansa dismisses him, telling him he doesn’t always have to have the last word. I tell my pupils this every time too but it has not worked out so far. Anyway, Littlefinger slides away and Brienne comments that he is up to something. Uh, doh? Have you not been watching the past six seasons, Brienne?
Somewhere else in Westeros, Arya is on a horse and comes across a wild Ed Sheeran in the woods. He is singing a song along with his mates, who were told to not sing too loud as everybody had to know Ed was in the house. He is a Lannister soldier and they are just camping, waiting to get home. The group invites Arya to sit with them, which she does. Eventually, they ask her what she is doing going to King’s Landing and she says she is going to kill the Queen. Laughter all around. Ed Sheeran doesn’t say much, but his face is prominently on screen whenever there is a close up of Arya. I like Ed, but he can’t not be Ed Sheeran. The struggle.
The Hound is back
The Hound travels along the Brotherhood without Banners and they stop at a farmhouse. Sandor does not want to go in, but as nobody cares about his feelings, they go inside anyway. The reason Sandor does not want to go inside is because him and Arya have visited the farmhouse before and they were given shelter. The Hound then stole all silverware. So rude. Anyway, upon entering the house, he finds out that the occupants have died out of poverty-related starvation and possible suicide. The Hound and Dondarrion (the dude who keeps coming back to life) have a deep chat when the Hound is asked to look into the flames. He sees the Death marching, he sees the wall. Basically he sees the last episode of this season, probably.
Sam steals keys and finds a book that says where dragonglass can be found. Spoiler, it’s Dragonstone. Spoiler, Jon will probably have to be nice to Dany now. Sam has to find out how to let Jon know. Then he does a round of whatever job it is he’s doing and as he approaches one of the cells, a hand reaches for him. A deep sexy voice asks him if the dragonqueen is here yet. We see the sillhouette of Jorah Mormont. His hand looks incredibly scaley, but good that he is getting help.
All hail the Queen
Daenerys finally arrives at Dragonstone. The showrunners could not afford to pay the writers any more as this sequence mostly involves no speech. Whoever decorated the Dragonstone castle truly took the dragon thing way too seriously as there are dragons everywhere. And then, in the end, she turns to the camera and looks at her trusted companions. “Shall we begin?” she says and all of us cheer in relief and with anticipation.
What was your favourite scene? Let us know!