Hey darlings! I’ve been very busy going to London and being the fabulous person that I am, so I did not blog much. I got home this morning and the first priority I had was to watch the new Game of Thrones episode, because I had already received messages asking me if I had seen the new episode. I sighed and I cried and I yassed again. So here I am, enlightening you with my thoughts on the new Game of Thrones episode.
Bran is back after ages of not being important enough to take up screen time. But he has finally mastered some skills. He is watching a vision in which he sees his father and uncle practising how to fight. Lyanna comes in and is taunting the boys. A girl to my heart. We learn that Hodor’s actual name is Wyllis and that he could speak but naturally we have to wait 6 episodes before we finally learn why Hodor is just saying Hodor. These are the important questions. I vote Hodor for the Iron Throne!
Apparently Bran is not going to be in the cave forever as there is a war coming. I wonder how the hell he is going to participate in any war considering that he does not walk, but hey, I am ready to be surprised.
Back in Castle Black, Ser Dickface is telling Ser Badassos that they have to come out now and nobody will get hurt. But they are ready to attack. Luckily, the wildlings arrive just in time to whoop some asses, but all those traitors are total pussies and get thrown into the cells. Nobody can stab Jon Snow and walk away unpunished. Ginger Wildling goes in to check if Jon is really dead and says Jon’s pretty body needs to be burned before he turns into an extra of The Walking Dead: Winter Edition.
Back in King’s Landing, some douchebag is being douchey but luckily zombie Mountain rids us of his presence by smashing his head against the wall. Justice was served in King’s Landing. Cersei then gets denied entry to her daughter’s funeral, cause King Tommen was too much of a wuss to face her, and she it totally cool about it.
We then get a dull scene in the scept where Jaime tells Tommen to apologise to his mother which he ends up doing. Hopefully Tommen will get a spine after this before he meets his unfortunate end. The religious guy is threatened by Jaime, but he has his religious bros covering his ass and nothing really happens. Can we move on now? Thanks.
Back in Mereen, Tyrion is finally talking sense into these people and suggests they let the dragons free. He goes down to the pyramid where they are held and releases them and they do not harm him. Hurray! Tyrion is definitely a Targaryan. Theory confirmed!
Then we go to Arya. This storyline bores me. I hope she will finally do some kick-ass things again. Oh, she is finally a nobody. About goddamn time.
Back at Winterfell, the Boltons are discussing their strategy after Brienne Badass of Tart killed all their best huntsmen. It turns out that Roose’s wife had a son and he is super happy. He tells Ramsay that he will always be his first born, and Ramsay gets all huggy. When this happens, shit goes down. So dear Roose gets killed in the exact same way as he killed Rob Stark. And the circle is round again.
Ramsay then sends for his newborn brother to meet the dogs, because that is very important if you want a good baby/canine relationship. The new momma gives her baby to Ramsay to hold, which I wouldn’t have done, and follows him into the kennels, which I certainly wouldn’t have done. I do want to give props to Ramsay for how well he trained his pooches. I wish mine would listen half as good as his did.
There are some other scenes where Sansa and Brienne have some girl talk, Theon decides to leave, shit goes down in the Iron Islands, but none of this is as important as the ending.
Ser Badassos FINALLY goes to emo Melisandre to ask her to bring Jon back. She is all “Naw I can’t” and he is all “But you birthed a fucking demon baby. This is easier.” So Melisandre unleashes her Dutch magic on Jon and nothing happens and everybody leaves all depressed but then Jon goes all Cinderella on everyone and wakes up and I screamed because yas. I’m sure this will come with a price, but hey, can Jon please take down Ramsay while he is at it? Or I will have to do it myself. Oh and naturally Ser Dickface too. That traitor.
Bring on next episode!