Better late than never, they say. I can post all these things about how busy I was, but let’s not go into that. I’ve been napping for most of the time. But here is the recap for Game of Thrones, episode 3 of season 6. Are you ready? You better be.
Jon Snow’s Ass
We start off with Jonny Boy drawing breath like it is the first time he’s ever drawn breath before. Well, technically it is, because he was pretty dead but now he is pretty alive again so you could say that he draws his first breath as
Jon Targaryan Jon Snow 2.0. Luckily he is alive again, so it is okay for us to drool over this shot:
Hey, men get plenty of boobs watching Game of Thrones. Let us girls have some fun too!
Jon says there is no afterlife which is sad because I was totz planning on being a poltergeist. Well, I will have to find another occupation then. Jon goes outside to greet all his wildling admirers, who all think he is a God, but the ginger wildling makes a perfectly timed penis joke because that is obviously what the situation called for.
We then go to Sam and Gilly, who are a cute couple yes, but their scenes are just too boring without Jon being there in the background being pretty.
Bran is at it again visiting a vision about his dad and his squad, who go up to two dudes who totz kick their asses. Ned is close to losing, but his ass then gets saved and he can pretend he was the badass here but no. He goes into the tower and every single one of us who supports the Jon Targaryan theory held their breaths only to have that Raven asshole pull Bran out of this vision. The fuck dude? It was about time we learned what the hell was going on. This is frustrating. They are going to drag this to the end of the season right? Damn it.
Our bae Dany is brought to that rather depressing place where all these sour widows are chilling and they are not friendly. Dany tries the “DON’T U KNOW WHO THE HELL I IZ” tactic, but these bitches are unimpressed. And it is not even guaranteed that she is allowed to stay in the depressing place, cause she actually went, took over some cities, porked with Daario and raised some dragons. Something these women should have considered. Perhaps it would have made them easier to deal with instead of PMSing 24/7. Just sayin’.
Then we see Varys being a smooth mothalover, who easily extracts information from some chick who conspired against Queen IAMDAENERYSSTORMBORNTARGARYANFIRSTOFHERNAMEETCETCETC. Tyrion tries to play a game or have a conversation with Greyworm and his bae but they have no sense of humour apparently. Such a shame. Varys then comes in and discusses what he knows. And moving on.
King’s Landing. There is a whole lot of discussing going on. Cersei and Jaime try to crash the small council meeting and all the members are all nope, we are not here for this shizzle. And they go. And that’s the end of that.
In Braavos, Arya finally learns to fight, passes her personal history test and gets her sight back. Woohoo. Hopefully she will get back to being kickass again.
Other direwolf down
We go to Winterfell, where Ramsay is given Rickon Stark as a gift. We haven’t seen this guy for 2 seasons and he still doesn’t say a thing. Geez. His direwolf is killed and Ramsay is being all nice, but we all know that this will not end well. Ps. Whatever happened to that guy on the boat? I even forgot his name. Ah well, he will pop up at some point too I guess.
Well, then we finally return to Jon, who is going to execute these assholes who betrayed him. One asks him to send a letter to his mother and Jon is looking at him like “Dude, you stabbed me in the heart. Goodbye.” Thorne is totally not impressed by Jon being alive again which is cool. And then Olly is being an ass with his daring glare and urgh I cant stand that guy. Jon mentored you! He saved you! You murdered his lover and he was still nice to you and then you stab him. You even outclassed Joffrey in the most hated character competition. And that doesn’t just happen. So good riddance.
Jon then walks away and is all “I’m outta here, bitses.” He is probably going to ruin Ramsay. Or at least I hope so.
This was a bit of a boring episode. Please let episode 4 be better. Thanks.