I am always late with these things but seriously, I needed a week to recover from the intensity that was this episode of Game of Thrones. Now I can finally write down my feels just in time for the finale. But seriously, what else can top this awesomeness? Nothing can. Let’s take a look at the shit that went down in Westeros this week.
The Battle of the Bastards is here
Episode 9 is always the big ass massive episode where shit goes down. This time, the long awaited Battle of the Bastards. Who would win? My bae Jon or the man-I-love-to-hate Ramsay. My money was definitely on Jon but you never know in the Game of Thrones.
We didn’t start in the North though. At first we went to Mereen where Dany is mad as hell and wants to burn all these motherfuckers to the ground. Tyrion is the person who has to talk sense into her. So they meet the slave masters who order her to just give up and run away on foot, but Dany is like “Oh bish no. You are the one who is going to surrender.” Right at that moment, Drogon appears and Dany takes him for a ride while the other two dragons also burst out of their prison to start a disco inferno. They dracarys the hell out of the fleet and I am so happy that Dany is finally doing something other than sitting around and being pretty again.
Two of the masters who are being pussfaces get their heads chopped off and all was well.
Later on, Theon and Yara arrive in Mereen and Dany and Yara bond over their queen-aspirations. They are also flirting together and I totally ship them. Anyway, the girls are going to work together to finally bring some girl power to Westeros. Team Daeyara!
Lady Lyanna Mormont
Now, let’s get to the North, shall we?
There is a parlay and Ramsay is trying to be hilarious but we are not falling for that shit. Luckily, Lyanna Mormont is there to express our feelings with her killer look.
If looks could kill, this whole episode would have ended right here. Anyways, Ramsay says if Jon just gives Sansa back, all would be well and swell which made us all collectively roll our eyes. Jon suggests they just fight it out one on one but Ramsay is a wussface and too clever for that shit so he is like “nah, btw gotta feed my dogs, they haven’t eaten in 7 days and will eat you, ok.” But Sansa is unfazed and announces that Ramsay is going to die and I might have said YAS GIRL. 0-1 for Sa(ss)nsa.
Jon and the boys have this strategy meeting and Sansa comes in to tell Jon that he is doing it all wrong. She knows Ramsay better than him but he is being a little shit by not listening to her. He wants to save Rickon, but Sansa knows Rickon is dead meat. Who cares about Rickon anyway? It’s not like he has been useful the past few seasons.
Ser Badassos goes for a stroll and finds the stag he carved for Shireen and it gives me all kinds of feels as he now knows what happened. But he is strong enough to not let his emotions take the better have him as there is a battle to win, ya’ll.
Jon meets Melisandre for some advice and she only says he shouldn’t lose and that she can bring him back if she pleases so he should stop whining about it. Way to go.
Then they finally meet for the battle. If it were me, I would just charge and attack these assholes while they were sleeping, but then again, I don’t do fair play. Anyways, Ramsay approaches them with Rickon on a leash and he channels his inner Jigsaw by saying he wants to play a game. Rickon has to run to Jon as fast as he can while Ramsay shoots arrows at him. Now everybody who has common sense knows you never run away from danger in a straight line. Rickon, who must have been taught this shit considering where he lives, runs in a straight line. I kept yelling at the screen that he should zig zag but he did not listen, so basically he deserves to die. Jon tries to save Rickon, doing exactly what Ramsay wants, but it is not as if Sansa warned him about this.
Sansa saves the day
The battle starts and I did a lot of YASSing, a lot of OH NOing, a lot of DO I HAVE TO DO IT MYSELF? and well, I just had a lot of feelings. I was relieved when Sansa finally marched in with the Arryn army, because it was about time she set her pride aside to let Littlefinger help. He can be useful after all. Ramsay’s smug smirk is wiped of his face as he runs back to Winterfell like a bitch. He thinks he can just wait it out but in comes Wun-Wun the giant who just breaks down that gate. Jon and Wun-wun have an emo moment and then Ramsay just delivers the final blow and we all hate him even more. Rip Wun Wun.
Ramsay now does want to fight one on one and shoots arrows at Jon, but Jon picks up a shield and looks hella pissed. He gets to Ramsay and beats the shit out of him, until he sees Sansa and is like, okay you can have him sis, do your thang.
Who let the dogs out?
Ramsay is locked up in the kennels where Sansa goes to see him and he still thinks he is the baddest bitch there is, claiming he is a part of her. Sansa just about snaps her fingers and tells him to gtfo. Then Fluffy comes around and Ramsay believes the dogs are loyal to him, but if you don’t feed them, they will not be loyal anymore. So Ramsay’s face gets eaten and Sansa smirks as she walks away the total badass that she is.
It’s a shame Ramsay is gone in a way but it was about time. This episode was certainly epic and I can’t wait to see what is next.
Still team Lyanna though.