Hello! We are back with a recap of Game of Thrones, Season 7, episode 2! And it was an episode that hit me right in the feels in so many ways. There were many times I shouted at the screen. Quite a lot of internal screaming happened too. A lot happened in one episode and I still can’t wrap my head around it all, so let’s just take a look at what exactly happened. If you want to read the Episode 1 recap, click here.
Dany vs. Varys
The episode opens with a dark and stormy night. Apparently, our girl Dany was born on a similar night like that, although she can’t remember. Obviously, because she was a baby. Dany then decides it is time to grill Varys. For all of you who do not remember, all the way in season 1, Varys almost helped kill Dany. Orders of the king, of course. So it is logical Dany does not quite trust Varys yet. The fact that he liked King Robert more than her father, did not quite help. But Varys makes a valid point. “Incompetence should not be rewarded with blind loyalty.” Fair point. Varys then goes on to say that his loyalty lies with the people, and even Dany can’t argue with that. She tells Varys to just tell her if she’s not doing well instead of going behind her back. He agrees with that and then she threatens to roast him if he betrays her. And not in a “The Comic Central’s The Roast of Varys” kind of way, but like really burn him to ashes. With dragons. Where are they anyway?
Guess what! Melisandre is also in the house and warns Dany about the prophecy of the Prince that was Promised. Dany is all “But I do not have a penis!” but Missandei (gosh those names are so similar) is like “Go back to school, your translation is off.” Then Dany asks Melisandre if she believes that she is the Princess that was promised, but the Red Priestess is like “Nah, but you play a part in it. Ask Jon Snow to come over and make out.” Let’s face it, that is totally going to happen. Anyway, Dany orders Tyrion to send Jon a letter to come over and have him kneel for her. For Melisandre’s sake, I hope her prophecy finally comes true. I mean, Professor Trelawney at least had one proper prediction.
Cue to Jon receiving Tyrion’s letter. Tyrion conveniently left out the bend the knee part in his plea for Jon to come over. Sansa is not into the idea. It could be a trap, you know! Jon is talked out of it, but later he receives a letter from Samwell, about that Dragonglass in Dragonstone. Jon gathers his men in that fashionable throne room of his, and tells them he should totally go if they want to have a shot at beating those pesky White Walkers. Everybody is like NOOO DO NOT GO! Even my girl Lyanna demands the King of the North to remain in the North. And Jon then whines about not wanting to be a king anyway. But then he leaves Sansa in charge as he decides to go anyway. Sansa is okay with that decision, and cannot wait for Jon to get the fuck out.
Before he leaves, Jon visits the family crypt, only to be interrupted by the snake that is Littlefinger. Littlefinger is telling Jon how sorry he was when Ned died (lol, lies!) and that they had their differences but they both loved Cath. He then rubs it in Jon’s face that Cath did not like Jon but that she was wrong about him. Jon is not having that shit and tells Littlefinger that they have nothing to talk about. Littlefinger then demands a thank you for saving Jon’s ass on the battlefield. Jon is not impressed. Littlefinger then says the thing you should not say to any big brother. “I love Sansa as I loved her mother.” Ew. Creep. Jon then slams Lord Baelish into the wall and nearly chokes his ass. He lets Littlefinger know that if he touches her, Jon will personally kill him. A scenario that is quite likely. Jon then mounts his horse and is out of there, after waving at Sansa. Naturally, Lord Baelish is lurking in a corner, waiting to strike.
Sam + Jorah
We are back in the citadel to experience even more vomit-inducing scenes. Maester Slughorn tells Jorah that his case is too far-advanced to be cured. Sam tries to interrupt, but Slughorn is not interested. He is a Maester after all and knows better than Sam. Just give the guy a chance! Ser Jorah is too nice to die of greyscale. I NEED TO HEAR HIM SAY KHALEESI ALL THE TIME. Anyway, Sam is finally showing some spine, as he goes into Jorah’s cell and tries to cure him anyway. It is a very gross scene and honestly made me hate Sam’s scenes even more. But hey, if he cures Jorah, then it will all be worth it.
Little Arya and the Big Friendly Wolves
Arya visits a tavern and meets her old friend Hot Pie. He makes great pies and Arya compliments him on it. He then shares his secret to the best pie and Arya comments that she doesn’t do that. “You bake pies?” Oh yes she does, Hot Pie.
Hot Pie then takes my job away and fills Arya in on what happened in the previous seasons. When she hears that Jon is now King of the North, she forgets her plans of killing Cersei. Before Hot Pie can even tell her she is actually pretty, Arya is on her horse and rides North. Yay for a reunion! As she is camping in the woods, her horse gets a bit nervous. Makes sense considering there is a pack of Direwolves ready to shred them to pieces. Arya then realises that one of the direwolves is her own Nymeria. They have a nice chat and Arya asks if Nymeria and her back want to ride North with her. But Nymeria is like “Nah girl, bye.”
Arya then states “That’s not you” which is a total throwback to the first season and gives all the feels. They’ve both changed so much, but it is nice to see that underneath it all, Arya is still the same.
Which leaves the question, whatever happened to Ghost?
Cersei the Dragonslayer
Cersei has summoned all of the people who do still kind-of support her. She says that Dany will destroy everything, that she is a mad Targaryan as was her father. Jaime then tries to get the Tarly’s on Cersei’s side, but Sam’s dickhat of a father says he pledged loyalty to the Tyrells. Lord Tarly is not swayed by Jaime’s propaganda, probably recalling the fact that Cersei blew up an entire sept with innocent people and the High Sparrow (Rip Margaery+Loras).
Qyburn, the guy who brought the Mountain back to zombie life, then shows Cersei the skulls of the dragons. Qyburn shows Cersei they have a weapon to take the dragons out, and Cersei is all happy when she fires a spear into the dead dragon’s eye. I will personally come and burn her alive if she touches my precious dragons.
Back to Dany
Dany has a meeting with her advisors, the Greyjoys and Ellaria. Yara and Ellaria vouch for attacking King’s Landing right away because they have fucking dragons. But Daenerys repeats Tyrion’s words that she does not want to be queen of the ashes. Girl, please. Instead, they want to strike Casterly Rock (didn’t Robb try to do that? That did not end) with the Unsullied and Dorthraki armies. Then they want to use the Tyrells, Greyjoys and the Sand’s armies to lay siege on King’s Landing until everybody starves. The dragon method seems far more effective to me.
Dany then shares a moment with Olenna. The old lady gives her some clever advice. She’s known quite a lot of clever men and they all died and she outlived them. She advises Dany not to listen to Tyrion and be a dragon instead of a sheep. JUST CUE THE DRAGONS AND BURN KING’S LANDING DOWN.
Greyworm and Missandei say goodbye to each other and it is super awkward at first. They then have penisless sex. Cute.
Shit goes down
The Sand Snakes brag about who they are going to kill when they arrive at King’s Landing. Oh if only they knew. Yara and Ellaria then flirt with each other and make Theon watch, when boom, shit goes down. Euron found them and makes a rather grand entrance. There is fire everywhere. A lot of bitches die. Euron is having a psychotic episode and murders everything he sees on sight. Including two of the Sand Snakes who meet a rather brutal end. I never quite liked the Sand Snakes, but that was sad to watch.
One of the sand snakes went downstairs to protect her mother, but quickly gets outnumbered. They are not killed but you can surely guess what is going to be Euron’s wedding gift to Cersei.
Then the most heart-breaking moment happens. Despite Yara’s brave fighting, Euron catches her. Theon sees this and Euron tries to bait Theon in charging at him. Theon starts panicking and in an instant, Reek returns. Yara begs Theon to help, but he is lost and does what Reek does. He jumps into the water and flees. A single tear leaves Yara’s eye as she is surely either dead meat, or an extra gift for Cersei. This was definitely the saddest moment. I am still heartbroken over this.