Hello! A little bit later than usual, but here we are with the recap of episode 5 of Game of Thrones: Eastwatch. Another week in Westeros and shit went down as per usual. Gendry has finally stopped rowing, Littlefinger is playing games with Arya, oh and JON FUCKING SNOW IS THE RIGHTFUL HEIR OF THE IRON THRONE. Phew, there we go. Anyway, as usual this post contains a shit-ton of spoilers. So if you do not want to know what happens, do not read. Life is so simple. Also, read our other recaps here: episode 1; episode 2; episode 3, episode 4.
Jaime is alive
They waste no time ensuring us our dear Jaime is very much alive. He realised it was probably a stupid fucking idea to try to murder Dany when there was a fucking dragon in the way. Bronnis not here for this shit and refuses to be turned to ashes again. Jaime realises that the war cannot be won if these dragons are flying around. I mean, Drogon is a motherfucking badass but if she uses all three of these bad boys, then they might as well surrender right away.
In the meantime, Dany speaks to what is left of the Lannister army. She tells them she is actually really nice but if they do not bend that fucking knee, they will be toast. Some smart guys actually do bend the knee, but the two Tarlys refuse to do so. They already have a queen. Tyrion rightfully argues they are quite lenient with their loyalty as they first served house Tyrell. Anyways, Poppa Tarly chooses to return to ashes and his son Dickon wants to join. Tyrion tries to argue with Dany to not behead them, but Dany has already made up her mind to crisp them. R.I.P Tarlys.
White walkers are walking
The White Walker threat is super real, as Bran has seen by using his ravens. The army is marching to Eastwatch, and Bran demands ravens to be sent out to everyone. Cut to the Citadel where the Maesters are discussing the threat. None of them are taking it seriously. Sam on the other hand suggests some things they could do, but the Maesters are like nah. This upsets Sam, as he actually fought one of those bad boys. We are then reminded that Gilly actually exists and is as annoying as ever. Anyway, she reads information from a book and Sam gives zero fucks. He also does not give a fuck when Gilly basically reveals that Rhaegar Targaryan and Lyanna Stark were actually married, which does not make Jon a bastard. HE IS THE LEGITIMATE KING OF WESTEROS. For fuck’s sake Sam.
Sam decides he has had it with the citadel, steals some scrolls and gets the hell out of there. About fucking time.
Drogon <3 Jon
It is obvious that Jon is a Targaryan when Dany lands on Dragonstone and Drogon wants to cuddle Jon like we all do. Dany thinks it is a bit strange because Drogon is not the cuddly type. But Drogon knows what’s up. Anyway, Jon and Dany flirt a bit when Mr. Friendzone himself, Jorah Mormont, arrives at Dragonstone. Dany instantly friendzones him again, but at least he gets a hug. Good for him. I was very upset at the lack of seductively pronounced Khaleesi in this episode, but I will cope.
The abduction of a White Walker
Team Dany has a meeting, and decide that they obviously need to convince Cersei that the White Walkers are real. Girlfriend is not going to stop unt
il everybody is dead. But obviously she’s not going to invite any of them over for tea any time soon. They come up with the genius plan to abduct a White Walker to show it to Cersei. What could possibly go wrong? Jorah volunteers as tribute, even though Dany is not too happy with that. Just don’t die, Jorah. Tyrion suggests that Jaime will probably listen to him, so him and Ser Bravos go to King’s Landing. Bronn helps set up a meeting between Tyrion and Jaime and things are awkward. Luckily, Jaime kinda sorta believes his brother.
Jaime then runs to Cersei, who was totally aware of what was happening. They chat about the offer of Dany to have a ceasefire and Cersei is totally down for it, but only t
o manipulate Dany to death probably. Jaime is not cool with all of this, but then Cersei announces she is with child and that she will tell everyone that Jaime is the father. He is happy, but I am skeptical. Either it is true and Cersei will be eaten by a White Walker. Or she is lying. If you all remember, the prophecy done a while ago clearly states she will only have 3 children and errbody dies.
Gendry is no longer rowing
Ser Davos is in King’s Landing while Tyrion does his thing. He finds Gendry and they have a nice little chat before Davos asks him to join Jon Snow and his cause. Gendry is all for it, and while he can’t swing a sword, he knows how to use a hammer.
As they are about to leave, two Lannister soldiers come to see what is up. Davos charms them and gives them money, which helps. They leave, just as Tyrion appears. The soldiers spot him and he tries to pretend nothing is wrong, but the Lannister soldiers are not that easily fooled. Davos tries to bribe them with more money, but they say Cersei will give them even more. Cue Gendry and his hammer to smash their heads in. Welcome back Gen.
Littlefinger vs. Arya
Back in Winterfell, Arya and Sansa have a little heart-to-heart in which Arya spills the truth. Arya says Sansa does not want Jon to return cause she enjoys ruling. Sansa tells Arya that beheading everybody is not what works. Arya then decides to stalk Littlefinger, who totally knows what is going on. He sets Arya up and has her find a scroll sent by Sansa back in season 2 or 3. Sansa was made by Cersei to send it to Robb to ask him to bend the knee. Naturally, Arya is not too pleased. One point for Littlefinger, who will definitely create more tension between the sisters now. I hope Arya makes a Littlefinger pie at some point.
Suicide Squad – Game of Thrones Edition
Davos takes Gendry to Jon but tells him not to say anything about his true heritage. Naturally Gendry tells Jon he is the son of Robert Baratheon. Jon is totally cool with that. They go see Tormund and his gang and tell him the plan. Tormund thinks they are crazy but does ask if the big woman is with them. This love affair needs to happen right now.
Tormund tells them that they found more people wanting to cross the wall. They all go see who they are and turns out they are the brotherhood featuring the Hound. There is a lot of discussion but eventually Jon says they should all pass the wall because they are all on the same side. They are breathing after all.
What will happen next?
It is the second-to-last episode of season 7, which means shit will go down. People will die. Probably those who go beyond the wall. I’ll get the tissues.