Less than a week from now, we will all return to Westeros to see if Winter has finally come. It is about time, considering they spent seven years talking about it. Anyway, Daenerys is on her boat, Sansa is pissed, Arya is still a badass, Cersei is plotting everyone’s deaths and Jon fears the White Walkers. Who will die this season? Will we receive another emotional trauma? Why do we even watch a show that gives us all this heartbreak? Only thirteen episodes in total left for us to find out who wins that uncomfortable throne. But how do you prepare for such an emotional event? Especially now that there are no books to read so you can be all smug about your knowledge. Don’t worry, we’ll help you. Here’s the officially unofficial Game of Thrones preparation guide. You are welcome.
1. Watch all previous seasons
This one pretty much speaks for itself. If you have forgotten how many boobs appear in this show (60) or who the hell that random person is that still
shows up quite often, watch it all over again. Yes, you don’t have much time left. Yes you will probably have to skip work and avoid all social contact until Sunday. Sure, hair will have grown in all the wrong places once you’re done. Yes, you will smell terribly. But at least you will know everything, so nobody can call you Jon Snow.
2. Read our recaps
Last year we recapped season 6 of Game of Thrones. When you don’t feel like re-watching the whole show, because you actually have a life, it might be a good idea to read it and freshen up your memory. Click here to check them out.
3. Invite your friends over for a GoT style trivia.
In which you all pledge allegiance to a house. You will of course know all the answers to the questions, because you either watched all seasons again/read our recaps/cheat your way to victory. The Iron Throne will definitely be yours and you can squash your friends’ head like a melon. Just not really.
4. Buy a Game of Thrones colouring book
There is a colouring book for everything and Game of Thrones is definitely no exception. So gather all your pencils and art utensils, and give the world of Westeros some colour. It is also a very relaxing activity if the showrunners decide to kill off your favourite character once again.
5. Already cancel all weddings you are invited too.
Is your cousin getting married? That dude that you once met in the supermarket with whom you’ve established a bromance? Even your own sister? Cancel those weddings. Weddings never end happily in Game of Thrones. One might wonder why the hell these people even bother to get married if it gets them killed. I mean, no offence, but till death do us part is meant to take some time, not happen five minutes later. Better be safe than sorry.
6. Prepare some GoT inspired food
And we do not mean the pie Arya made with the remains of the Freys. Crafty, but that is cannibalism and quite illegal as far as we know. This site here has got a nice assortment of recipes that you can actually serve to your guests.
7. Place bets on where the hell Gendry is.
Remember when Gendry stepped in a boat and rowed out of our lives? Nobody knows where the hell he is. Isn’t he the legitimate heir of the Iron Throne? Aren’t his arms strong enough from all the rowing so he can go ahead and smash Zombie Mountain’s head in? So whereabouts is he now? Whose team is he on? Will he meet up with Arya again and fuck shit up? Place your bets now!
Check back here next week for the first recap! Valar Morghulis!