Gertrude from the town of Hungtingdungtington was aimlessly scrolling around her Facebook feed one day when her husband was out working late. Of course Gertrude was perfectly aware that her husband was sharing a sleazy motel room with that skank Patrice from three blocks away, but she figured that as long as he kept paying for her bootleg designer bags and her bridge club, there was no need to tell him she knew.
She had pretended for a long while that she did not need Facebook because it was such an invasion on her precious privacy. She did not quite know how to spell privacy, but she sure knew it was a bad thing to have it invaded. That was until she found out that she could stalk all her ex-boyfriends (Ricardo was all about penises nowadays) and that she could easily complain on a company’s facebook page that there was a hair in her food even though she fully well knew she put it there herself. Not to mention her Candy Crush addiction. Facebook was her saviour.
But then that prude hag Maria from her Bridge club wondered out loud if she was really as dumb as she looked and this offended her so much that she dcided to do stuff clever people do like reading articles on Facebook. Nothing interested her, until she came across an article called:
“He cheated on his wife and stepped on a kitten. But you won’t believe what happens next…”
Intrigued, she clicked the link, only to be taken to a dodgy site where she first had to click away several ads filled with boobs. When she finally saw the video, in which a man who was most likely her husband Mark propose to that skank Patrice while singing You’re the one that I want while jumping out of a hot-air balloon, she lost it. Indeed, she did not believe what was happening.
She did what any other sane person whohad just found out that their husband had proposed to another woman would do. She shook her head and said: “What a misleading article. I was expecting an in-depth analysis of cheating husbands and instead I got this atrocious video of my husband pretending to be John Travolta. So not cool.”
So she jumped in her car, drove to her husband’s work building and burst into his office. He was shocked to see her, while Patrice’s head popped up from under the desk.
“Is it true?” she asked.
“I-I can explain,” her husband said.
“Why the hell would you step on a kitten, you asshole?” She demanded to know.
He could not explain. So naturally she set Patrice’s hair on fire before leaving the building. She ran into a man named Pablo who also hated clickbait articles, and they lived happily ever after.
Seriously, I am very tired of clickbait articles. Just tell me what the article is about and don’t be all mysterious when you know what you wrote is shit. It makes the kitten god sad. In other news, sorry for the long time no post. The good news is, I am getting a lot of writing done for my story. Hurray! Okay I’m outta here for tonight. Peace out!