I know what you are thinking; “Is this going to be one of those semi-inspirational posts about following your dreams and whatever cause then I am totally out of here, ok!” I promise it will not be like that. Or maybe a little. But not too much. Does that make sense? No? I thought so.
I have made a big decision a few weeks ago. I pondered about it for ages. I am one of those people who always tries to please others. You need help? Sure I will help! Oh you like this sweater? Sure take it! Oh you need money? Here you have some. Even though over the years I have become less naive, I still often feel that people think they can march over me because I don’t tell them to stop. That was until now. I was very unhappy about the situation I was in. I could either stay, because I did not want to disappoint others, or I could choose for myself for a change. My body was warning me that the situation I was in was not a good one. My muscles were tense, I had terrible headaches and the stress caused my psoriasis to act up again, which meant that my head was constantly itching. Sounds a bit disgusting but true. And I had experience with these symptoms before. At the end of 2013 I had the same issues and I did not listen to the warning signs which resulted in full-blown anxiety attacks which made me feel like I was dying. It took the whole of 2014 to climb back up again and become happy once more. I wasn’t going to let the anxiety get to me again.
So I told myself to be brave and I was brave. This was how far I would go before I would fall into that black hole again. And what most people realise is that it is not always easy to be brave. Acting brave is different, being it is a whole other story. I constantly heard people telling me what to do, and not one opinion was the same. I listened. I closed my eyes. I decided that it was time to follow my heart. I knew everybody was going to have an opinion about it. Everybody was going to want to put their two cents in, in an attempt to either make me feel good about my choice or bad. And even though I appreciated all the advice, it was confusing me. But I assure you it pays off to listen, because sometimes someone will say something valuable. But it is up to you to decide what you are going to do next.
I think we all assume we know best about somebody else’s situation. We feel that we have to give advice, whether it is wanted or not. In most cases we don’t know the whole story. We don’t know what is going on in somebody’s head, not even in the heads of those that are close to us. I have learned that instead of telling somebody what they should do, I should ask questions. That is something my dad taught me. What are your options? What is the pro of that? What is the con of that? What does your heart say? What do you prefer to do? Why are you afraid of what is coming? and most importantly, Are you afraid to fall?
Because if you are, don’t be. I will take the fall with you. I will catch you. I will be there. You are not alone. You are never alone.
The thing about anxiety is that you worry too much about everything. Every little thing. I used to think that if I went to see an artist again: What would that person say? I used to think that if I voiced my opinion: What if they won’t like me anymore?
Maybe it is part of growing older. I’m not as insecure anymore as I used to be as a teenager. But I am still scared sometimes. Everybody is. Nobody knows what is coming. But if you are reading this and you are wondering if you’re doing the right thing, if you are making the right choices, if you are good enough for this world, know that you should follow your heart. Know that you are good enough. Know that the only right choice is the one that feels right to you.
As this quote from Neil Gaiman’s Sandman perfectly illustrates:
“Sometimes you wake up. Sometimes the fall kills you. And sometimes, when you fall, you fly.”
So be brave. Know that you are beautiful and that you are amazing. And no matter how cliche it may sound; Follow that heart of yours.
Have you ever had to make a difficult decision and decided to follow your heart? Let me know in the comments!