Welcome to the very first Music Monday of 2016! The past year had been quite a great year in music, with Adele owning the throne and everybody suddenly realising they all had a belieber inside of them. It was the year of remakes, in which old songs like Sugar got a revamp. But 2016 is going to be better. I can feel it in my toes and my toes are very much psychic.
Naturally everybody has their own taste in music and will follow the bands and genres they love, but there is no denying that we will all listen to certain songs and artists that will be played on the radio a lot. And here are my predictions for 2016.
1. Rihanna will finally release that album everybody has been waiting for since the beginning of time
I am not the biggest Rihanna fan but I find myself singing along to her songs whenever they come on the radio. It’s been a while since Riri, as we all call her because obviously we’re her bffs, has released a new album. She used to poop them out every single week and then she suddenly had a severe case of obstipation. But do not fret, my children. She has announced a world tour! And while most people first release an album an then go on a world tour, Riri changes that game.
Btw, she called. She’s asking if you have her money. She sounded pretty pissed so you better sort that out.
2. Adele is going to be crowned queen of the universe
Adele has already slayed us all in 2015. Millions of people sold their kidneys in order to get tickets to see her shows. They didn’t get tickets and have to live without kidneys now which is super sad. But Adele doesn’t care about that because Adele is sitting on her throne in her London mansion, laughing like a maniac at all the money that is coming in. But all of us are totally cool with that as long as Adele will sing sad songs which we can listen to when our heart has been broken once again. Or when our goldfish died. And because Adele has such a great influence on our mental state, we might as well crown her queen of the universe in 2016.
3. Justin Bieber will start wearing a purity ring
Because Justin is now a cool and good person who no longer pees in buckets and actually makes good music, he will decide to channel his inner Jonas brother and wear a purity ring. In the meantime he will wait for Selena to stop snogging Nial from One Direction to come back to him. He will also release more apology songs because the world needs those.
4. Katy Perry will release a cover album with songs from the Little Mermaid
After the success of Left Shark, Katy decides to fully cash in on the hype in 2016, by releasing a cover album with much loved tracks like “Under the Sea” and “Part of Your World.” She will go on a world tour that will take place in an aquarium near you.
5. Sam Smith will want you to go already
We all know Sam as the man who wanted you to stay with him, but in 2016 he is totz done with all of us. He will release a single called “Go away without me” and release an album titled: “During the Happy Hour”. If you show his album in a pub near you, you will actually get one free Fanta during Happy Hour, which will boost the economy and make everybody happy.
6. Idina Menzel will finally learn to let it go
We’ve all been waiting for her to finally let it go. I think 2016 will be the year. Unless Frozen 2 comes out and the madness will start again.
7. Harry Styles is going to release an album dedicated to his hair
Now that One Direction have called it quits, Harry Styles can finally pursue his dream of releasing a solo album dedicated to his locks. Look at that hair. It is absolutely fabulous right? The album will include the hit single “Hair me scream” and a cover of Lady Gaga’s “Hair”, which they will perform together at an MTV award show.
8. Taylor Swift will become a full-time cat lady
Having said that she wanted to take a break from music, Taylor actually thinks she has made enough money and will spend her time rolling around in it, in her expensive New York apartment. She will also adopt 30 cats and nobody will see her for the next few years until the neighbours complain about the smell of all the cat pee.
So these are my predictions for 2016. Do you have your own ideas about what music will be like in 2016? Let me know in the comments!