It’s almost time! It’s been a while since Warner Bros announced a new trilogy based in the Wizarding World and all of us Potterheads collectively lost our minds. Fantastic Beasts and where to find them hits theaters in November and yes, your maths is correct, that is very close! My body is ready to undergo the madness and emotional rollercoaster once again as we follow Newt Scamander to New York City, concrete jungle where dreams are made of. So grab your tissues. We are going to react to the trailer with another episode of…
LET ME HEAR IT FOR NEW YORK. I only say this because I know this is New York. Basically it could be any major city cloaked in darkness.
Oh look! It are our female main characters who hear an ominous noise in the distance. Now this sound is very similar to the one my stomach makes when I’m hungry, so probably whatever it is, feed it some cheesecake and you will be fine.
And there is our British man who unleashed magical beasts in New York. Gosh never trust British wizards not to come and mess things up.
While I usually would think pretty lights are nice effects, if I were on ice and this was swimming past me, I would be out of there right away. Why are they sitting on ice anyway? It might crack and they might die. Or worse, get expelled.
Anyone else getting serious Game of Thrones vibes from this? Perhaps if Daenerys was around, there would be no issue controlling those beasts.
I cannot imagine that headdress is comfortable. Was this really witch fashion back in the day? I hope they had strong potions against migraine. I want that dress though.
This is basically how I feel whenever I am the last one to enter a party and everyone turns to look at me. Oh hai.
“So you’re the guy with a case full of monsters huh?” cool goblin bro says.
“News travels fast,” Newt answers.
Yeah, I once told someone I had chocolate and a minute later I had a bunch of women trying to befriend me. Guess news like this travels faster.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS CANNOT BELIEVE HOW MUCH I HAVE MISSED THIS. WELCOME BACK, WARNERS BROS MYSTERIOUS LOGO.
Say hello to the bad guy. Notice that he has a nose and hair. And he probably brushed his teeth. See Voldemort? You can be evil and fashionable at the same time and take care of your personal hygiene.
I demand a plushie of this creature now and I shall name it Perry and give it a hat.
The voice over tells us they do not let things loose in America. Well, they have obviously never been to Britain. Anyways, this no-maj tells Newt his egg is hatching. Which is a pretty good pick-up line.
“Hey girl, I think your egg is hatching!” *breaks egg, girl swoons*
Success guaranteed! You will be taken on a magical ride.
“You wiped his memory right?” Well no he didn’t but by the expression on his face, it could be. I mean, this is the look I always had during maths tests. Obliviate Pythagoras.
And here you see the classic discussion about American English and British English. And the look of a woman who is tired of this shit.
This happens to me all the time. So annoying. And I am claustrophobic too!
“I ain’t got the brains to make this up!” Bro, you must be trippin’ then.
Is this what you get when you breed a cactus with a lion? Asking for a friend.
YASS QUEEN SLAY ME.
As is usual when a British wizard comes in, shit gets ruined. This old timer gets blown to pieces. New York will never be the same again and an epic battle between the wizarding world and the no-majs (can’t get used to that world) is about to commence.
See, now this would be convenient. When someone else wears the same dress you wear, you can just magic your own clothes away. Why is this not a thing in real life?
Bad guy thiks they’ve been living in the shadows for too long and does not wish to bow down to the no-majs any more. But I’m sure than instead of talking it out, he will just go and blow things up, as bad guys do. Look dude, just get some therapy and talk it out.
The looks on their faces betray that shit is going down and hell is breaking loose. Also brown leather jackets were the shit in New York that year.
Anyone else gets flashbacks to the Battle of Hogwarts? R.I.P Fred. R.I.P Tonks and Lupin. Basically R.I.P everyone.
If I were Daenerys, I would much rather ride this bad boy. Dragons are so overrated now anyway.
“Danger. He senses danger.” Well who would have thought there would be danger when there is an ominous storm going on and basically things blowing up for no reason? Sharp observation.
They namecheck Grindelwald! All is connected! This could mean war! Aww man.
Stop toying with my emotions.
I want this to be my pet because it is obviously as fabulous as me. And it fits in a teacup. Oh the convenience.
Just give this guy his own feature film already!
You know, this does not really seem that threatening. Just a quick elbow to the side in the face and he will be knocked out before he can say stupefy. Anyone else excited to see how effective guns are against wands? It is set in America after all. There has to be some shoot-offs involved.
Uh oh. Shit crawling on the underground ceiling. This is my worst nightmare.
*Throws money at screen* JUST TAKE IT ALREADY.
How excited are you for the film?