A new episode aired almost a week ago, in which we meet old friends and new…and say goodbye again quite quickly too. I know it is super late but are you ready for another Game of Thrones recap? Pour yourself a drink, get your nails done (I just did) and read along.
The episode starts with hope. They are reconstructing stuff. We see vague footage of someone working hard and this must be someone we know. Could it be? Yas it is Sandor The Hound Clegane, who is back after Arya left him to, well, die. He is with a religious company now and some priest dude who knows nothing about religion. Could be Jon Snow’s father, you know. Anyways, good to have you back, Sandor.
In King’s Landing, the High Sparrow meets Margaery and she aces his bible test. The High Sparrow asks Marge why she hasn’t slept with Tommen ever since they’ve been reunited (because it is paedophilia, duh?) and she is all “bitch please, you locked me in a cell for ages. I am just not in the mood okay.” And the Sparrow then says: “Congress does not require desire on a woman’s part, only patience.” I would have punched him in the nose if he had said this to me but Marge is the cool playah she is and deals with it. Sparrow dude then kinda threatens Grandma Tyrell, which makes Marge think she should take care of that shit too.
So while Septa Whatsherface is watching, Marge has a conversation with her gran, who is not too pleased to hear all the religious bullshit Marge is saying. She insists that Margaery come with her, but Marge is like “no, I gotta play the game, ok.” She then secretely hands Gran a piece of paper with the Tyrell rose on it, and gran is super relieved and is like “ok, I am outta here bye.”
Gran Tyrell meets up with Cersei, who tells her they need each other cause shit is going down. Gran Tyrell blames Cersei for all this drama, and well, she’s right okay. Stop fucking things up Cersei. Geez. Anyways, Gran Tyrell is out of there after figuratively stabbing Cersei a couple more times and that is the sad end of that. 0-1 for Olenna Tyrell.
Jaime and Bronn (yay!) plus 8000 soldiers arrive at Riverrun, where some amateurs try to get Lord Blackfish to yield. They threaten to murder his nephew, and then do not do it as he tells them to just do it. One thing I’ve learned while working in education: Always do as you say. They will not take you seriously otherwise. Jaime bosses everybody around and takes care of this shit, but he is being a total bad guy again, which is not cool as I had just embraced him. Sad times.
In Volantis, we learn that Yara is a lesbian. Yay! Theon on the other hand is still being a wussface. I can’t wait for them to get to Dany. Dany need ships, they need an army, perfect deal.
Jon and Sansa are still trying to convince everybody in the North to back them with their armies. They get to Bear Island, where a 10-year old is taking care of shit. Lyanna Mormont is a queen of sass. I vote for her to sit on the Iron Throne. Nobody will stand a chance.
Then another house is like “Nah, we are not giving you anything. Bitches got murdered. Goodfuckingbye.” This means they do not have a big army, so Sansa writes a letter which is probably either asking Bignose Robyn or LittleFinger for help. Should have just taken that army when you had the chance, girl.
Back to the Hound. There are some serious discussions about life. Then some dudes of the brotherhood show up and the Hound knows they were trouble when they walked in (read that in Taylor Swift’s voice). He goes off to chop some wood and when he comes back, everybody is dead. He is not surprised. Neither was I.
In Braavos, Arya throws money around like it is nothing, trying to get a ship back to Westeros. She then skips over to the bridge where she admires the sunset, when the waif comes and stabs her. I do not believe Arya can be this stupid, so I assume she’s got a plan.
Now, we’re done with all this building up. I need some action, okay. Bitches need to die (Ramsay, I am looking at you). Who knows what next episode will bring?