Friends, it is that time again. The people on the news excitedly announce that a heatwave is coming. While most people scream: “OMG YASSSS GET THEM HOTPANTS OUT NOW” there are some of us less happy with this heat. I am talking about us girls and boys with skin as white as snow. The ones who constantly get asked: “Are you ill? You seriously look ill. Maybe you should see a doctor” whenever they decided not to pick up that bronzer in the morning. Summer is coming, pale pals. And with it a lack of understanding from our tanned fellow friends. It is once and for all time to show the world why our porcelain skins and the sun are not a match made in heaven.
Ever since I was a little girl, the sun and I have been enemies. I only had to look outside to basically be on fire. And not the Alicia Keys/Katniss Everdeen “THIS GIRL IS ON FIYAAAAH” kinda fire, but my skin would basically be so red and hot you could bake an omelette on it. If only touching that skin would not result in agonising pain. Which it did. Seriously, you try to lie down with a back redder than a tomato. I wish you good luck.
Pale girls already have trouble finding foundation in the right shade. Drug store make up brands lie when they advertise the colour Ivory. It is not Ivory. NEVER. We usually have to resort to expensive brands to bring us the right shade of foundation so we too can have that flawless skin. But what if you were like “I can totz cross the street with no sun screen on!” and those three steps result in you having a pretty red face? There is not a single make-up brand that has “Rouge Rosé” as a shade. And we have to embrace that redness.
If you are tanned, you will never know the sheer agony of not finding any shade when you are about to burn to death after only just leaving your house. Last year I thought it was a fabulous idea to go on holiday to Spain. In the mountains. With barely any trees. While everybody was having fun, I was locked up in our room as the sun was so hot, just the though of it made me melt. Which is not cool, you guys. Whenever I had to move or go somewhere, I made sure I ran from one tiny piece of shade to the other, just to avoid the sun touching my precious skin. Because heaven forbid I might have forgotten to use my SPF 567 on time. The horror!
Being pale has its disadvantages but it also has advantages. Just not in Summer. Not when everybody is tanned and you can’t even distinguish your face in photographs as you basically light up on camera. The struggle is real yo.
So my fellow Snow Whites, get your sunblocks ready. Summer is coming!