This is Brain. Brain is basically one of my best friends because if it wasn’t for Brain, I would not be able to function. Literally. Brain stores all the information I need, and even the information I do not need. That comes in very handy when playing Trivia Pursuit. Needless to say, Brain is essential for my survival, however, I do sometimes think that Brain wants to kill me.
You see, apart from all the wonderful things Brain does for me, I have acquired a brain that likes to think. A lot. Basically Brain takes its survival mode extremely seriously as it is constantly worrying about whatever danger might be lurking around the corner. Some people are awfully good at making decisions. Their brains do not worry about whatever bad might happen if a decision is made. My Brain does not quite agree.
Brain: “Okay Ingrid, time to make a choice. Will you eat salmon or chicken for dinner?”
Me: “Hm, I don’t know, Brain. I am very much in a salmon kind of mood,”
Brain: “I’m not sure if that is a good choice, Ingrid. Salmon is very expensive and we are on a budget. Plus, think of all the baby salmon that have to miss their mother if it ends up on your plate.”
Me: “Fine. I will go with chicken then.”
Brain: “If you eat chicken, you will get salmonella and die. Or at least get terrible diarrhea.”
Me: “Only if it is not cooked well enough.”
Brain: “Not with your luck.”
Me: “Fine, I will just eat some crackers then.”
And it is not just decision-making that is terribly difficult for my Brain. Brain has an awfully good memory. It remembers every little embarrassing thing that has ever happened in my life, but forgets simple dentist appointments. Brain likes to remind me of those awkward moments just when I am about to go to sleep.
Me: “Okay, let go of all thoughts. Breathe in. And sleep.”
Me: “What do you mean, nope? We are tired!”
Brain: “We are.”
Me: “So let’s go to sleep!”
Brain: “Hey remember that time when you were 10 and pooped your pants in class?”
Me: “Oh my god, I don’t want to remember that!”
Brain: “Oh, I have enough material for the coming three hours. We can sleep when we’re dead!”
Me: “You’re killing me”
Brain: “I know right! I am hilarious!”
Brain doesn’t always work the way it has to work either. There are times when I have an important meeting or interview or talk to a person I really really like and Brain just blanks out.
Cool person: “Hey, how are you?”
*Brain starts panicking. I start sweating. Hyperventilation attack is near. Activate Trivia Knowledge*
Me: “Did you know that female kangaroos have three vaginas?”
Sometimes I would like it if I could think less. My brain is so full with a lot of things at all times. Yet despite the fact that my cautious Brain wants to kill me or at least embarrass me a lot, I still like it. It is a weird brain with weird thoughts that likes weird things, but that is what makes me, me. But Brain, I do not need to be reminded of all the awkward stuff I’ve done in my younger years. Or yesterday. Or at all.
Do you also have an overactive, overprotective brain? Does it also try to remind you of embarrassing things or fail you during important moments? Let me know in the comments!